My Husband IS my Best Friend

The other day, I came across this article on Facebook, and I was rather shocked at the comments surrounding it. Loads of women commented about how much they agreed with comments along the lines of, “Saying your spouse is your best friend is more than an overused, annoying cliche!” and “Yeah, seriously, my best friend is my girlfriend; she is my best friend and he is my husband.”

(I would like to note that this next bit is based on the people I’ve personally come across, and that there may be some women out there who have lots of close girlfriends, but without the negative things I discuss––I just don’t know any of them)

REALLY? Wow. See, most women I know who have a big girlfriend group tend to be...well, from what I’ve observed, not particularly mature when it comes to relationships. They have to have their girl time, they are very ‘squealy’, and, frequently, they’ve had a hard time finding a spouse in the first place because they prioritize their girlfriends beyond reason, which makes it difficult for a guy to spend much time with the girl he’s dating, especially when it comes to growing closer one-on-one.

That’s the giant cliche here. Women who act like every other underdeveloped female lead in a cheesy chick-flick. Except, this is the real world.

Now, before you accuse me of not having any girlfriends to know what this is all about, I will lay it out for you. I have several very close girlfriends. It’s always really refreshing to talk to them, and, if we’ve not seen each other in a while, we can talk for hours, and it feels like minutes. However, they are not my best friends. WAIT. That’s not to say that they aren’t some of the best friends I have, but I don’t go around handing out the title of best friend to everyone. Here’s how my ranking of friendship goes:

Acquaintance (You have met them, and either don’t see or communicate with them very often, or you’re around them (work or school), but rarely, if ever, speak to each other.)

Friendquaintance (We really need a word for this...We talk regularly to each other, and have a sort of friendship, but it only exists within the bounds of work or school, or whatever else.)

Friends (You hang out occasionally, and have probably had a meal together.)

Good Friend (You know more about each other’s lives than just friends, though this is a minor distinction)

Close Friend (You hang out a lot, eat together sometimes, generally know what’s going on in each other’s lives, and are very invested in each other. Sometimes I refer to people in this category as some of my best friends)

Best Friend (Official title. Reserved for only a few, because otherwise this title means almost nothing. This person know pretty much everything about what’s going on in your life as it’s going on.)

I have acquaintances, some friends, a few more good friends, and many close friends, whom I adore (and all of my girlfriends fall into “Close Friend”). However, the only people I refer to as  “best friends” on a regular basis are my mom (because she actually is; it’s not just something I’m saying to be thoughtful), and my husband, Todd. After all we’ve done together, I feel it’d be a bit of an insult to not consider him my best friend, truly.

Growing up, I had best friendships, but they generally only lasted a year or two––the longest one lasted about 3 years. Any you know what, though I needed them at the time, I don’t look back at those and think, “Oh, how vital those were!” They don’t mean anything to me now, and I haven’t kept in touch with those people, nor do I care to.

Todd has always been different for me, though I don’t think our story is one that most people experience.

I had briefly met Todd once or twice before, but when we finally sat down together and had our first real conversation, I was immediately drawn to him. We talked for a couple of hours, and, when he left, for the very first time in my life, after having one conversation with a peer, I knew I wanted to become friends with him.

We continued to talk, and hang out, and became fast friends. After one semester, I loved him as a friend, and cared about him as much as any of my girlfriends. The first couple of months of the next semester, we continued to spend time together, and he was definitely my best friend. He was so much my best friend that, when we started dating, I was a bit nervous because I knew that he would be the one, or things would end awkwardly after a short period of time––and then what would I do? He was my very best friend; I couldn’t replace that!

Luckily, it worked out.

In the article, the author said that, maybe, instead of saying (on an anniversary or spouse's birthday) our spouse is amazing and our best friend, we should say, “‘Thanks for not leaving me when I act like a lunatic’ or I really appreciate you driving me to therapy every week.’” On this point I agree, but I think that can, and should (go, say those things!), be done in person. The kind of post the author refers to, I think, is a nice, simple declaration of appreciation, meant to tell others how full your heart is.

I am not perfect, and I am so grateful that Todd is willing to put up with my crap. But you know what? I put up with his crap, too. The thing is, neither of us dwell on the less-pretty things about each other––because that’s pointless––and we never have an argument/bad feelings that last more than a couple of hours. We know that communication is important, and will sit with the other when they are having a problem, asking what’s wrong, until we reach an understanding. We don’t hold grudges, and try to make the other person ‘pay’ for anything. How could we? If we stayed mad, who would we geek out about our pet topics to?

In case you think me still in naive newlywed bliss, let me clarify Todd and my timeline: We met in 2011, became good friends. In 2012, were best friends, and started dating. Dated until 2013, when Todd proposed, and got married in early 2014, almost exactly two years since we started dating. And, now, we’ve been married for the better part of two years. Do you really think I’ve not seen all sides to my husband, or that I am still in some sort of new-relationship ignorance-is-bliss phase? No.

Being married takes work. You each have to aim to give 100%, because, sometimes, you’re having a hard time, and need your spouse for support. Other times, it’s they who need you. And then there’s the sweet times when you’re both alright, and life is absolute bliss, because of how amazing it is to be married to someone that you think is so awesome.

Todd is really smart. Seriously. I think that, among his peers, he is one of the best computer scientists wizards. I have also never met anyone I’ve found more interesting than him. Or funny. He is the funniest guy I’ve ever come across, and we crack each other up. He is very patient, sweet and kind, good at breaking down problems into manageable pieces, an excellent maker of pizza dough and stir frys, a great writer, very driven to try new ways to be creative (such as making a loom, or taking up knitting), and, to top it all off, super handsome. Just all around wonderful.

(As I write this, feeling a bit unwell, Todd is making me banana pancakes for breakfast––and he hates bananas. Didn't I say he was the best?)

Maybe some woman out there will still think that a girlfriend should get the title of Best Friend, while her husband should get a prescribed list of things for his role. I would just warn against that––why settle for a relationship where you perform your duties, and that’s all it is? All the best marriages I’ve seen are beautiful, because both partners are each other’s best friends.

So, yes, Todd is my best friend. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

My YouTube Channel: awhiteblankvlog

Hello, friends! I just posted on Facebook about how I’ve created  new YouTube channel, and am serious about making vlogs (for real this time!). As a result, I thought that I’d answer some questions that you may have regarding this, because, you know, I must be understood! Also, you may actually want to know the answers to some of these. Okay, without further adieu:

Haven’t you made channels before? Why another?

Yes, I have—several. When I was 15 I had my first channel, and I posted random fifteen-year-old girl nonsense. Though I did have a  video reply get to 10,000 views there.

My second channel, where I occasionally would post a video I made in school, is just the one attached to my name and email.

The third channel I made was created during my sophomore year of college, and my first semester in the film program. I had wanted to make videos, and had thought extensively about what kinds of videos I wanted to make. For a YouTube class, I had to make new channel, and post to it weekly. At that time, I just posted whatever I thought I could talk about, and it ended up not being very interesting, or well-made. At the time, I wanted to do something with YouTube very badly, but the way I was thinking and going boat it didn’t work for me.

A couple of years ago, I made my fourth channel, which I posted to sen-regularly for 1-2 months in the beginning of 2014. Though I over-thought things less that time around, I was very much of the mindset of ‘just make a video, however you can, and, even if it’s not great, you’ll improve over time’. Now, I don’t think this is a bad mentality to have—I still think it’s important now—however, I didn’t’ have the skills or tools to do what I was trying to, at the time, and I ended up making videos that were pretty bad production wise.

Now, I have this channel. 5th time’s a charm, right? When I was shooting name ideas for my fourth channel with Todd, I came up with the name awhiteblankvlog. I really liked it, but, since I was still in over-thinking mode, I chose a different name, hoping to come across a specific way. I have finally chosen to go back to this name, and start anew, because I feel like I am in a place where I know what I want to do, how I want to do it, and I have the time to actually focus on it.

Why “awhiteblankvlog”?

My favourite Mumford & Sons song is called “A White Blank Page”, and it has meant a lot to me over the last 3 or so years since I first heard it. My channel name, to me, suggests that it is fresh and ready for me to create something. It’s not trying to be like anything, it’s just like when I sit down to write a script. A white, blank vlog.

Also, I can make my blog “A White Blank Blog”, which I like.

What’s the purpose of awhiteblankvlog/what kinds of videos will be on there?

On this new channel, I will post vlogs (on Tuesdays and Thursdays), and I hope to, maybe, eventually put up some music, too, because, it you didn’t know, I love to sing.

I hope that through my videos, I will be able to share a genuine version of myself with friends near and far, as well as make new connections with others.

Why vlogging?

Though I have a deep love for sketch comedy, I spend the majority of my time watching vloggers. Though it took me a couple of years before I was watching vloggers, they are now the main reason I go to YouTube.

I was first inspired to vlog when I was 15 or 16, because several of the vYouTubers I watched talked about why they vlogged, and I was surprise dot discover that they tended to be similar to me—performance-loving people who were shy or introverted. It seemed like, if I started vlogging, I might be able to meet people a lot like me.

As I mentioned before, I love sketch comedy, too. I do have several scripts for such things, but I would need some helping hands for that (I have a dream team in mind). Even with the desire to dabble in that area eventually, I still am drawn to vlogging, because, even if I might find it a little more challenging to do, it is what I watch, and I want to make the kind of videos that I value the most. Though I plan to make a video on this topic, I end this answer here:

I also think that vlogging is important, because it is an amazing record of life. It does depend on the vlogging style, but, generally, as some point or another, vloggers film what they are doing with their day, or an exciting trip they got to take. I watch these and think, ‘how amazing will these be for their kids, or grandkids to see?’ It’s a way to preserve life, and I think that it really important, and incredibly neat.

Why are you bothering with YouTube at all?

Fun fact: I have been watching YouTube videos since the first year that YouTube was a thing. I have always been a YouTube regular, and have even felt like I could have taught more comprehensive YouTube classes at my university than those that thought me could,  just because it is such big part of my life. I studied film, thinking I wanted something grander than YouTube, but, honestly, it’s always been YouTube for me.

What’s different about your videos this time around?

Honestly, a lot. First, there’s the production value. I have an anamorphic lens that goes on my iPhone (because real camera are expensive), and I am using my external mic I‘ve had for a few years. Also, in the last 2-ish years, I’ve because 100% better at using editing programs Final Cut 7 used to give me shivers), and I use Adobe Premiere Pro CC, which makes everything easier to edit. In the not-super-distant-future, I plan to get a couple of soft-boxes, too, so lighting will be…consistent. Right now, I’ve got a lamp with a sheet of paper taped over it, and natural lighting. It’s not great; but I’m trying!

Previously, I didn’t have knowledge of anything in the Adobe suite, either. This meant that I was incapable of creating my own banner art, watermark, or even end screens. Now, things look much more like a ‘real’ channel.

The words I say are also better. Before, I preferred the free-formness of just saying what I could on whatever topic, but now I write out a script first. Though this is less organic, which I was unsure about, I am happy with this method, because it allows me to say exactly what I want to, and come across how I hoped to, ranter than just winging it. As a person who feels much more clear using the written word, it works well for me.

Basically, I am not just putting up videos to put them up. Though things still might go wrong (with lighting or camera movement, or whatever), I am making videos that I am proud of, and putting in the time to get them right.

What is your biggest challenge vlogging?

Surprisingly, it’s not having too cut out too much of my own talking. if you know me well, you know that I can be a bit of a talker, when Im excited about subject (writing scripts has resulted in relatively short videos). Instead, my biggest challenge is writing in a way that is conversational.

Now, in casual typing ‘conversation’, I can do this easily. I can even write stories in a casual tone. However, (and maybe you’ve noticed while reading this), I am really great at academic writing. In college, there was a lot of that, and I smashed it.

As a result, I love to write in a way that, perhaps, may be considered a little too proper to for actually speaking to other people, or at least, a camera. Though my brain does think more like my academic writings, that tends to come off rather stuffy, and people would probably think it was a bit weird, yes? Hahahaha whilst, thusly!

I just had to get that last paragraph out, sorry. Anyway, you get the idea.

So, your branding…

White, grey, and black—I know! Isn’t it grande? Maybe you don’t think that’s the most exciting, but it has my name all over it. In Winter semester 2014, I was in a digital humanities class, and we were going over having a brand for yourself (we were discussing business cards and web sites, etc.). Your brand is what people will associate with you, and it represents you. That’s when I had the idea for the branding i have on awhitenblankvlog. I love dark grey…and regular grey. In that class, we also had to research a few fonts, and how they came about. Naturally, as a screenwriter, I chose courier, because that is what you write in in Final Draft (industry standard screenwriting software). I learned about the font, and, as my professor predicted, felt a little bit more of fondness for it as a result. So, I use Courier Final Draft as my font, and it’s all on a white page.

It’s simple and clean. To me, it says ‘writer’, and ‘Lindsay’, which is exactly I want you to think of when you see my branding!

Hello, Friends?

Yeah, I have that on my banner, and that’s how I start my videos. Despite my YouTube-guruness, before I started posting videos to this channel, I used the YouTube Creator Studio tools, because I really wanted to stick with it this time. One thing that really stood out to me was that I needed to have a specific viewership in mind. That was a bit difficult for me, because, I was just wanting to make similar videos to those that I enjoy myself.

Then it hit me. two of our closest couple friends had moved away, and we wouldn’t be able to speak to each other as much. So, I decided to address my videos to my friends, as if they were actually there. The thought of talking to some of the people I’m closest to helps me feel more comfortable, and natural.

So, yes, friends—really—these are for you. Most notable Schwabs’ and Ames’, but to any of my friends, whether far away, or ho we see more regularly. I also hope to foster a friendly ‘environment’ around my channel for anyone else who starts watching, because, as a shy introvert, I believe there is nothing better than immediately feeling like you belong.

Cool, channel, bro, but should I be doing anything?

Yes! I know I ought to tell people to like, comment, and share my videos—especially because I’m new at this, but I dislike that (I did force myself to add a subscribe button on the end screen). So, if you wanted to help out, watch my videos! Subscribe and like them! Please, please share. Share every one of my videos every day, if you want!

Okay, I’ll be done with that now.

Well, if you read that entire thing, I can’ say that I’m not impressed. You’re amazing. I hope you found any of that information interesting, or informative. I appreciate your support, and I’m exited to keep doing this YouTube thing, finally.

Here’s the links to my channel, and Google+ page:

YouTube Channel

G+