I assume, if you're reading this, that you're wondering how a horrifically allergic person is keeping a cat, or maybe you just want to know more about my allergy situation in general. The first bit will be a total history, but if you just want to know about my allergies and Wendy, skip past the italic part) Here it goes:
[I've always been mildly allergic to cats. I couldn't notice it unless I spent a lot of time in their face, but it was there. Then, as I grew older, at about 17 years old, my allergies got much worse. This was very upsetting to me as my main passion in life is cats (not really joking very much there).
When I'd visit home from college, I had to take allergy pills. However, I eventually had to start taking Claritin-D in 2014, because my allergies were unbearable.
It was clear to me that I couldn't have a cat.
In early-mid 2015, however, we had the opportunity to take my brother-in-law's puppy, which he could no longer keep. I was excited! Gryffin (the puppy) was an Australian Shepherd--long-haired, double coated....doberman and labs, with their slick hair made me get little hives until I washed my hands. This would be a great alternative. We visited Gryffin every other weekend that summer, in preparation to take him when we moved to pet-friendly housing in August.
The day I picked him up, my mom was in town, so I rode in the back with him to our house. Weirdly, I was super sneezy, and my eyes were itchy and watery. How had so much cat allergen gotten on the dog's stuff?
As the next two or three days came and went, my allergies only got worse, and I got hives from touching Gryffin. I decided to see an allergist, praying that there was no way I was allergic--I mean, I'd seen this dog every other week all summer with no problems.
Much to my dismay, I was terribly allergic to dogs. Puppies don't really produce the allergens, and, as they age, they produce more. In the few weeks since I'd seen him, he had gone over my allergen-limit. Unfortunately, due to not being able to touch him, and him having 15 years or so ahead of him, I decided to re-home him. I could handle the other stuff, but not the hives. (I still get hives from our plush ottoman, despite it having been cleaned). The only plus to this revelation was that I wasn't getting more and more allergic to cats--instead, my parents kept getting more and more dogs, and all of them together were making things worse for me; not just cats.
I now get 2 immunotherapy shots (one is cats, dogs and weeds, the other is for every tree...yeah, turns out I'm allergic to everything.), three times a week, and it makes going into pet homes totally fine.I also have some amazing eyedrops for instant relief, and two nasal sprays. With it, I was fine going home for two weeks with three dogs, and my cat, Chrissy sleeping on me. Only the last 3-4 days did I really have to make sure to use my eye drops.]
So, how I am able to keep a cat?
Well, first, they don't give me hive (which is the only reason I re-homed Gryffin). Also, I am almost to my maintenance dose in immunotherapy. This means my body is better able to handle the allergens. The end-result should be my ability to happily, and healthily, live with pets (though I probably shouldn't get like 5 of them).
I have a HEPA filter in my room, and it is a pet-free zone. Period. Wendy doesn't like this, but I have to be firm, because otherwise I'll maybe die, or something. Also, I'm keeping her out of our second bedroom, so I have more than one cat-free space. The shot-giver I asked about keeping Wendy suggested I take Zyrtec, and I can go back on nasal sprays if it really becomes an issue. Wendy will also be bathed weekly to cut down on allergens. Sorry, Wendy. You're life will be really cushy otherwise.
So far, I've only taken an allergy pill twice. Each day is different. Some days I'm just great, others, I get sniffly quickly.
There you have it, how I'm able to keep a cat.
If you're interested in our cat, Wendy's, rescue story, you can read that here, and watch her rescue video here.
Jan 28, 2016
Wendy's Story
The last week and a half has been pretty crazy for us. We officially have a cat now. If you know anything about my allergies, perhaps you're interested in why we have chosen to keep a little death-ball. You can read about those specifics here.
What we know of our cat's story starts in Southern Utah. Todd's cousin, Chad, found her inside the hotel where he works. Someone must have let her in from the cold (or somehow snuck her in and left her). Chad put her out back where all the stray kitties hang out. He figured she would find her mom, and be gone. However, when he checked back a while later, she was still there. So, he took her home, and posted on Facebook asking if anyone wanted a cat.
I saw this post, but, as he lives all the way across the state, I didn't think much of it. However, at 1 a.m. on Sunday night (/Monday morning, really), I saw that he had posted again, earlier in the day, saying that he didn't live in pet-friendly housing, and that, if no one wanted her, he would have to take her to a shelter the next day.
The pictures he added with this second post included one of here very well-behaved in the bath, and pictures of her cuddling. She looked very sweet, and it was clear that her eyes were a bit crusty--she was sick.
I don't know if it was because we know Chad well enough (instead of, say, just a friend-of-a-friend posting abut a cat), or because I technically would be able to get her, but when I saw that no one else was able to take her, I knew I had to. I commented on his post, telling him not to send her off to a kill shelter, and that, if need-be, I'd drive all day to get her.
That night, I had a hard time sleeping. She just seemed too sick and nice to get put in a shelter in a town in the middle of nowhere.
Luckily, the next day, Todd, who had Chad's number, texted him, and told him I'd come get the cat. I was so relieved that he would wait for me to come get her! Even more heroic was his decision to meet me halfway, cutting my trip in half. We decided to meet Tuesday morning to pass her. That evening, Todd and I went to Petco to get a litterbox, the cheapest bed in the store, and some food.
Out plan was to foster her for a few days, until, hopefully, one of our friends could take her, or eventually put her in a no-kill shelter if that didn't work out. We'd have her 1-3 days, and feel good about placing her in a good home.
Upon meeting up with Chad, I realized that Wendy was much smaller than I'd expected. From her photos, I'd assumed she was a petite cat about a year old. No, she was tiny--like 3 months!
Despite my labors cutting large slats into a moving box with scissors the night before, Wendy was so small, she could escape the box, so she ended up on my lap (dangerous) the first third of our drive back, and in the litterbox (not the bed) in the box the rest of the way.
On the drive, I tried to come up with a name for her while she was with us, but nothing stuck, really. It wasn't until I was back home in the second bathroom (her home-base) that I looked at her and thought, "She's just so darling........Wendy." It felt right immediately.
After spending a few hours in the car with her, and seeng her at home, it was clear she was sicker than we'd thought she would be. We had figured we'd have her checked out if she didn't have a new home in 3-4 days. After talking to Mom, though, I decided to call up a vet, and, thankfully, they squeezed us in not an hour after I called.
At the vet, I found out even more concerning information. She didn't have a sinus infection--she had either kitty chlamydia, or a viral respiratory infection. For the next week, she'd need an oral medicine twice a day, and an eye gel (that you apply from corner-to-corner across the eyeball) three times a day. They also informed me that he wasn't as young as she seemed. Despite being tiny, tiny she had her adult teeth in, and was 5-8 months old. I don't know if it was genetics or malnutrition that kept her so small, but she was a little thing. On top of those things, she has a knee condition--luxating patella. Basically, her knees aren't properly aligned. Since I was just in for medication, and wasn't planning on keeping her, I didn't learn much more. He said she needn't be prevented from jumping or anything, but, in general, we'll have to keep an eye on it.
From Todd, and my further research, there are several stages of the condition, ranging from mild (you don't have to do anything) where the knee can be popped back in for a time, to it only being able to be popped back in for a short time, to only being able to hold it in the right place, to not being able to fix it. As I mentioned before, I didn't worry about getting much more information then, but, based on the vet's lack of popping her knees back, I assume she may have stage 3 or 4. Basically, she would need surgery before arthritis sets in, to ensure things stay alright. A quick Google search suggested that, per leg, the procedure could cost $500-1200.
Well, we had no idea what to do. Obviously, we had to keep the cat for at least a couple days, since she was so sick, and had gone on a very long car ride. After talking things through some more, we even decided it'd be best to keep her through her entire chlamydia medication, because it was so intense. Plus, I work from home, so I'd be able to look after her.
Pretty quickly, we learned that Wendy, though a fan of cuddling, mostly just prefers to be in the same room as you....but if she's not, she gets upset, and cries (she is THE most vocal cat I've ever met). So, she needs to be around people most of the time, and is pretty sick, with the potential of an expensive surgery. Who would want to take that on? Surely we couldn't keep her with my allergies.
However, the reason I gave up (re-homed) my dog was strictly for the hives I got every time I touched him--I can handle sniffles. Plus, Wendy is so small, so she'll be able to produce less allergens, and she's at least able to be bathed...maybe she would be the right cat for us.
Interestingly enough, since the end of November, I've had this feeling...or prompting that something was going to happen in January. I've fasted 3 times about it since then, and prayed. I felt like there was nothing I could do to really prepare, but that January was significant. I pondered what it could possibly be, and wondered if I needed to do anything new, or make any change, but I never got a strong 'positive'. And then, in January, we get this cat.
The whole point (one of them) of immunotherapy is so that you an have a pet, and be okay. Todd and I thought we'd think about getting a less-allergenic cat in maybe 5 years, but, here, we have Wendy.
We made a list of pros-and-cons, and realized that only allergies were holding us back. We decided we'd 'soft' keep her, unless, in the next few days, my allergies went nuts.
On Friday, at the allergist, I told my shot-giver the situation, and asked what he thought--would it work? I wasn't about to get attached to another pet I'd have to give away. He said he's thought'd it'd be fine, and doubled-checked with my doctor.
So, the next day, Todd and I decided that if they said it would work out, then screw this last 5% chance that maybe she wouldn't stay--she is ours.
Wendy was super-low energy, because she was so sick, but now she is acting like an age-appropriate terror (I mean that in the best way).
It wasn't until Sunday that everything really sunk in. We have a cat! I have cried numerous times about my potential lifelong-cat-barreness (If you can't understand that at all, we probably aren't that close). The worst thing in my entire life was giving up a dog I loved, and I thought I'd never have a pet; but now, here we are: two happy kids and a cat.
Life can sure bring unexpected changes.
As it turns out, not-sick Wendy hates baths (too bad for her), and she is much fluffier! Her fur is the closest to my favourite animal's (Chrissy, my cat back home) that I've come across (and I used to go pet Petco or Petsmart's cats once or twice a month)! She could hardly open her eyes on day one, but now her eyes are rarely watery.
Unfortunately, after her 7 days of meds, she is still quite the sneezer, so she's on a further 10 day round of meds.
You wouldn't know it, though, she has a couple hours of spastic play every day, bites hands and feet like it's her job, loves to bat around Lego people, and napping in the nicest chair in the house, on our computer cases, or the piano.
She's already grown a bunch. We're hopeful she'll be in perfect health in another week! Either way, life with her is much more entertaining. Both myself and--awesomely--Todd are absolutely smitten with her. What a perfect way to start off the New Year!
For an awesome cat video about her rescue, watch my vlog here!
What we know of our cat's story starts in Southern Utah. Todd's cousin, Chad, found her inside the hotel where he works. Someone must have let her in from the cold (or somehow snuck her in and left her). Chad put her out back where all the stray kitties hang out. He figured she would find her mom, and be gone. However, when he checked back a while later, she was still there. So, he took her home, and posted on Facebook asking if anyone wanted a cat.
The pictures he added with this second post included one of here very well-behaved in the bath, and pictures of her cuddling. She looked very sweet, and it was clear that her eyes were a bit crusty--she was sick.
I don't know if it was because we know Chad well enough (instead of, say, just a friend-of-a-friend posting abut a cat), or because I technically would be able to get her, but when I saw that no one else was able to take her, I knew I had to. I commented on his post, telling him not to send her off to a kill shelter, and that, if need-be, I'd drive all day to get her.
That night, I had a hard time sleeping. She just seemed too sick and nice to get put in a shelter in a town in the middle of nowhere.
Luckily, the next day, Todd, who had Chad's number, texted him, and told him I'd come get the cat. I was so relieved that he would wait for me to come get her! Even more heroic was his decision to meet me halfway, cutting my trip in half. We decided to meet Tuesday morning to pass her. That evening, Todd and I went to Petco to get a litterbox, the cheapest bed in the store, and some food.
Out plan was to foster her for a few days, until, hopefully, one of our friends could take her, or eventually put her in a no-kill shelter if that didn't work out. We'd have her 1-3 days, and feel good about placing her in a good home.
Upon meeting up with Chad, I realized that Wendy was much smaller than I'd expected. From her photos, I'd assumed she was a petite cat about a year old. No, she was tiny--like 3 months!
Despite my labors cutting large slats into a moving box with scissors the night before, Wendy was so small, she could escape the box, so she ended up on my lap (dangerous) the first third of our drive back, and in the litterbox (not the bed) in the box the rest of the way.
On the drive, I tried to come up with a name for her while she was with us, but nothing stuck, really. It wasn't until I was back home in the second bathroom (her home-base) that I looked at her and thought, "She's just so darling........Wendy." It felt right immediately.
After spending a few hours in the car with her, and seeng her at home, it was clear she was sicker than we'd thought she would be. We had figured we'd have her checked out if she didn't have a new home in 3-4 days. After talking to Mom, though, I decided to call up a vet, and, thankfully, they squeezed us in not an hour after I called.
At the vet, I found out even more concerning information. She didn't have a sinus infection--she had either kitty chlamydia, or a viral respiratory infection. For the next week, she'd need an oral medicine twice a day, and an eye gel (that you apply from corner-to-corner across the eyeball) three times a day. They also informed me that he wasn't as young as she seemed. Despite being tiny, tiny she had her adult teeth in, and was 5-8 months old. I don't know if it was genetics or malnutrition that kept her so small, but she was a little thing. On top of those things, she has a knee condition--luxating patella. Basically, her knees aren't properly aligned. Since I was just in for medication, and wasn't planning on keeping her, I didn't learn much more. He said she needn't be prevented from jumping or anything, but, in general, we'll have to keep an eye on it.
From Todd, and my further research, there are several stages of the condition, ranging from mild (you don't have to do anything) where the knee can be popped back in for a time, to it only being able to be popped back in for a short time, to only being able to hold it in the right place, to not being able to fix it. As I mentioned before, I didn't worry about getting much more information then, but, based on the vet's lack of popping her knees back, I assume she may have stage 3 or 4. Basically, she would need surgery before arthritis sets in, to ensure things stay alright. A quick Google search suggested that, per leg, the procedure could cost $500-1200.
Well, we had no idea what to do. Obviously, we had to keep the cat for at least a couple days, since she was so sick, and had gone on a very long car ride. After talking things through some more, we even decided it'd be best to keep her through her entire chlamydia medication, because it was so intense. Plus, I work from home, so I'd be able to look after her.
Pretty quickly, we learned that Wendy, though a fan of cuddling, mostly just prefers to be in the same room as you....but if she's not, she gets upset, and cries (she is THE most vocal cat I've ever met). So, she needs to be around people most of the time, and is pretty sick, with the potential of an expensive surgery. Who would want to take that on? Surely we couldn't keep her with my allergies.
However, the reason I gave up (re-homed) my dog was strictly for the hives I got every time I touched him--I can handle sniffles. Plus, Wendy is so small, so she'll be able to produce less allergens, and she's at least able to be bathed...maybe she would be the right cat for us.
Interestingly enough, since the end of November, I've had this feeling...or prompting that something was going to happen in January. I've fasted 3 times about it since then, and prayed. I felt like there was nothing I could do to really prepare, but that January was significant. I pondered what it could possibly be, and wondered if I needed to do anything new, or make any change, but I never got a strong 'positive'. And then, in January, we get this cat.
The whole point (one of them) of immunotherapy is so that you an have a pet, and be okay. Todd and I thought we'd think about getting a less-allergenic cat in maybe 5 years, but, here, we have Wendy.
We made a list of pros-and-cons, and realized that only allergies were holding us back. We decided we'd 'soft' keep her, unless, in the next few days, my allergies went nuts.
On Friday, at the allergist, I told my shot-giver the situation, and asked what he thought--would it work? I wasn't about to get attached to another pet I'd have to give away. He said he's thought'd it'd be fine, and doubled-checked with my doctor.
So, the next day, Todd and I decided that if they said it would work out, then screw this last 5% chance that maybe she wouldn't stay--she is ours.
Wendy was super-low energy, because she was so sick, but now she is acting like an age-appropriate terror (I mean that in the best way).
It wasn't until Sunday that everything really sunk in. We have a cat! I have cried numerous times about my potential lifelong-cat-barreness (If you can't understand that at all, we probably aren't that close). The worst thing in my entire life was giving up a dog I loved, and I thought I'd never have a pet; but now, here we are: two happy kids and a cat.
Life can sure bring unexpected changes.
As it turns out, not-sick Wendy hates baths (too bad for her), and she is much fluffier! Her fur is the closest to my favourite animal's (Chrissy, my cat back home) that I've come across (and I used to go pet Petco or Petsmart's cats once or twice a month)! She could hardly open her eyes on day one, but now her eyes are rarely watery.
Unfortunately, after her 7 days of meds, she is still quite the sneezer, so she's on a further 10 day round of meds.
You wouldn't know it, though, she has a couple hours of spastic play every day, bites hands and feet like it's her job, loves to bat around Lego people, and napping in the nicest chair in the house, on our computer cases, or the piano.
She's already grown a bunch. We're hopeful she'll be in perfect health in another week! Either way, life with her is much more entertaining. Both myself and--awesomely--Todd are absolutely smitten with her. What a perfect way to start off the New Year!
For an awesome cat video about her rescue, watch my vlog here!
(day 1)
(day 10)
(day 10)Oct 25, 2015
My Husband IS my Best Friend
The other day, I came across this article on Facebook, and I was rather shocked at the comments surrounding it. Loads of women commented about how much they agreed with comments along the lines of, “Saying your spouse is your best friend is more than an overused, annoying cliche!” and “Yeah, seriously, my best friend is my girlfriend; she is my best friend and he is my husband.”
(I would like to note that this next bit is based on the people I’ve personally come across, and that there may be some women out there who have lots of close girlfriends, but without the negative things I discuss––I just don’t know any of them)
REALLY? Wow. See, most women I know who have a big girlfriend group tend to be...well, from what I’ve observed, not particularly mature when it comes to relationships. They have to have their girl time, they are very ‘squealy’, and, frequently, they’ve had a hard time finding a spouse in the first place because they prioritize their girlfriends beyond reason, which makes it difficult for a guy to spend much time with the girl he’s dating, especially when it comes to growing closer one-on-one.
That’s the giant cliche here. Women who act like every other underdeveloped female lead in a cheesy chick-flick. Except, this is the real world.
Now, before you accuse me of not having any girlfriends to know what this is all about, I will lay it out for you. I have several very close girlfriends. It’s always really refreshing to talk to them, and, if we’ve not seen each other in a while, we can talk for hours, and it feels like minutes. However, they are not my best friends. WAIT. That’s not to say that they aren’t some of the best friends I have, but I don’t go around handing out the title of best friend to everyone. Here’s how my ranking of friendship goes:
Acquaintance (You have met them, and either don’t see or communicate with them very often, or you’re around them (work or school), but rarely, if ever, speak to each other.)
Friendquaintance (We really need a word for this...We talk regularly to each other, and have a sort of friendship, but it only exists within the bounds of work or school, or whatever else.)
Friends (You hang out occasionally, and have probably had a meal together.)
Good Friend (You know more about each other’s lives than just friends, though this is a minor distinction)
Close Friend (You hang out a lot, eat together sometimes, generally know what’s going on in each other’s lives, and are very invested in each other. Sometimes I refer to people in this category as some of my best friends)
Best Friend (Official title. Reserved for only a few, because otherwise this title means almost nothing. This person know pretty much everything about what’s going on in your life as it’s going on.)
I have acquaintances, some friends, a few more good friends, and many close friends, whom I adore (and all of my girlfriends fall into “Close Friend”). However, the only people I refer to as “best friends” on a regular basis are my mom (because she actually is; it’s not just something I’m saying to be thoughtful), and my husband, Todd. After all we’ve done together, I feel it’d be a bit of an insult to not consider him my best friend, truly.
Growing up, I had best friendships, but they generally only lasted a year or two––the longest one lasted about 3 years. Any you know what, though I needed them at the time, I don’t look back at those and think, “Oh, how vital those were!” They don’t mean anything to me now, and I haven’t kept in touch with those people, nor do I care to.
Todd has always been different for me, though I don’t think our story is one that most people experience.
I had briefly met Todd once or twice before, but when we finally sat down together and had our first real conversation, I was immediately drawn to him. We talked for a couple of hours, and, when he left, for the very first time in my life, after having one conversation with a peer, I knew I wanted to become friends with him.
We continued to talk, and hang out, and became fast friends. After one semester, I loved him as a friend, and cared about him as much as any of my girlfriends. The first couple of months of the next semester, we continued to spend time together, and he was definitely my best friend. He was so much my best friend that, when we started dating, I was a bit nervous because I knew that he would be the one, or things would end awkwardly after a short period of time––and then what would I do? He was my very best friend; I couldn’t replace that!
Luckily, it worked out.
In the article, the author said that, maybe, instead of saying (on an anniversary or spouse's birthday) our spouse is amazing and our best friend, we should say, “‘Thanks for not leaving me when I act like a lunatic’ or I really appreciate you driving me to therapy every week.’” On this point I agree, but I think that can, and should (go, say those things!), be done in person. The kind of post the author refers to, I think, is a nice, simple declaration of appreciation, meant to tell others how full your heart is.
I am not perfect, and I am so grateful that Todd is willing to put up with my crap. But you know what? I put up with his crap, too. The thing is, neither of us dwell on the less-pretty things about each other––because that’s pointless––and we never have an argument/bad feelings that last more than a couple of hours. We know that communication is important, and will sit with the other when they are having a problem, asking what’s wrong, until we reach an understanding. We don’t hold grudges, and try to make the other person ‘pay’ for anything. How could we? If we stayed mad, who would we geek out about our pet topics to?
In case you think me still in naive newlywed bliss, let me clarify Todd and my timeline: We met in 2011, became good friends. In 2012, were best friends, and started dating. Dated until 2013, when Todd proposed, and got married in early 2014, almost exactly two years since we started dating. And, now, we’ve been married for the better part of two years. Do you really think I’ve not seen all sides to my husband, or that I am still in some sort of new-relationship ignorance-is-bliss phase? No.
Being married takes work. You each have to aim to give 100%, because, sometimes, you’re having a hard time, and need your spouse for support. Other times, it’s they who need you. And then there’s the sweet times when you’re both alright, and life is absolute bliss, because of how amazing it is to be married to someone that you think is so awesome.
Todd is really smart. Seriously. I think that, among his peers, he is one of the best computer scientists wizards. I have also never met anyone I’ve found more interesting than him. Or funny. He is the funniest guy I’ve ever come across, and we crack each other up. He is very patient, sweet and kind, good at breaking down problems into manageable pieces, an excellent maker of pizza dough and stir frys, a great writer, very driven to try new ways to be creative (such as making a loom, or taking up knitting), and, to top it all off, super handsome. Just all around wonderful.
(As I write this, feeling a bit unwell, Todd is making me banana pancakes for breakfast––and he hates bananas. Didn't I say he was the best?)
(As I write this, feeling a bit unwell, Todd is making me banana pancakes for breakfast––and he hates bananas. Didn't I say he was the best?)
Maybe some woman out there will still think that a girlfriend should get the title of Best Friend, while her husband should get a prescribed list of things for his role. I would just warn against that––why settle for a relationship where you perform your duties, and that’s all it is? All the best marriages I’ve seen are beautiful, because both partners are each other’s best friends.
So, yes, Todd is my best friend. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Oct 9, 2015
My YouTube Channel: awhiteblankvlog
Hello, friends! I just posted on Facebook about how I’ve created new YouTube channel, and am serious about making vlogs (for real this time!). As a result, I thought that I’d answer some questions that you may have regarding this, because, you know, I must be understood! Also, you may actually want to know the answers to some of these. Okay, without further adieu:
Haven’t you made channels before? Why another?
Yes, I have—several. When I was 15 I had my first channel, and I posted random fifteen-year-old girl nonsense. Though I did have a video reply get to 10,000 views there.
My second channel, where I occasionally would post a video I made in school, is just the one attached to my name and email.
The third channel I made was created during my sophomore year of college, and my first semester in the film program. I had wanted to make videos, and had thought extensively about what kinds of videos I wanted to make. For a YouTube class, I had to make new channel, and post to it weekly. At that time, I just posted whatever I thought I could talk about, and it ended up not being very interesting, or well-made. At the time, I wanted to do something with YouTube very badly, but the way I was thinking and going boat it didn’t work for me.
A couple of years ago, I made my fourth channel, which I posted to sen-regularly for 1-2 months in the beginning of 2014. Though I over-thought things less that time around, I was very much of the mindset of ‘just make a video, however you can, and, even if it’s not great, you’ll improve over time’. Now, I don’t think this is a bad mentality to have—I still think it’s important now—however, I didn’t’ have the skills or tools to do what I was trying to, at the time, and I ended up making videos that were pretty bad production wise.
Now, I have this channel. 5th time’s a charm, right? When I was shooting name ideas for my fourth channel with Todd, I came up with the name awhiteblankvlog. I really liked it, but, since I was still in over-thinking mode, I chose a different name, hoping to come across a specific way. I have finally chosen to go back to this name, and start anew, because I feel like I am in a place where I know what I want to do, how I want to do it, and I have the time to actually focus on it.
Why “awhiteblankvlog”?
My favourite Mumford & Sons song is called “A White Blank Page”, and it has meant a lot to me over the last 3 or so years since I first heard it. My channel name, to me, suggests that it is fresh and ready for me to create something. It’s not trying to be like anything, it’s just like when I sit down to write a script. A white, blank vlog.
Also, I can make my blog “A White Blank Blog”, which I like.
What’s the purpose of awhiteblankvlog/what kinds of videos will be on there?
On this new channel, I will post vlogs (on Tuesdays and Thursdays), and I hope to, maybe, eventually put up some music, too, because, it you didn’t know, I love to sing.
I hope that through my videos, I will be able to share a genuine version of myself with friends near and far, as well as make new connections with others.
Why vlogging?
Though I have a deep love for sketch comedy, I spend the majority of my time watching vloggers. Though it took me a couple of years before I was watching vloggers, they are now the main reason I go to YouTube.
I was first inspired to vlog when I was 15 or 16, because several of the vYouTubers I watched talked about why they vlogged, and I was surprise dot discover that they tended to be similar to me—performance-loving people who were shy or introverted. It seemed like, if I started vlogging, I might be able to meet people a lot like me.
As I mentioned before, I love sketch comedy, too. I do have several scripts for such things, but I would need some helping hands for that (I have a dream team in mind). Even with the desire to dabble in that area eventually, I still am drawn to vlogging, because, even if I might find it a little more challenging to do, it is what I watch, and I want to make the kind of videos that I value the most. Though I plan to make a video on this topic, I end this answer here:
I also think that vlogging is important, because it is an amazing record of life. It does depend on the vlogging style, but, generally, as some point or another, vloggers film what they are doing with their day, or an exciting trip they got to take. I watch these and think, ‘how amazing will these be for their kids, or grandkids to see?’ It’s a way to preserve life, and I think that it really important, and incredibly neat.
Why are you bothering with YouTube at all?
Fun fact: I have been watching YouTube videos since the first year that YouTube was a thing. I have always been a YouTube regular, and have even felt like I could have taught more comprehensive YouTube classes at my university than those that thought me could, just because it is such big part of my life. I studied film, thinking I wanted something grander than YouTube, but, honestly, it’s always been YouTube for me.
What’s different about your videos this time around?
Honestly, a lot. First, there’s the production value. I have an anamorphic lens that goes on my iPhone (because real camera are expensive), and I am using my external mic I‘ve had for a few years. Also, in the last 2-ish years, I’ve because 100% better at using editing programs Final Cut 7 used to give me shivers), and I use Adobe Premiere Pro CC, which makes everything easier to edit. In the not-super-distant-future, I plan to get a couple of soft-boxes, too, so lighting will be…consistent. Right now, I’ve got a lamp with a sheet of paper taped over it, and natural lighting. It’s not great; but I’m trying!
Previously, I didn’t have knowledge of anything in the Adobe suite, either. This meant that I was incapable of creating my own banner art, watermark, or even end screens. Now, things look much more like a ‘real’ channel.
The words I say are also better. Before, I preferred the free-formness of just saying what I could on whatever topic, but now I write out a script first. Though this is less organic, which I was unsure about, I am happy with this method, because it allows me to say exactly what I want to, and come across how I hoped to, ranter than just winging it. As a person who feels much more clear using the written word, it works well for me.
Basically, I am not just putting up videos to put them up. Though things still might go wrong (with lighting or camera movement, or whatever), I am making videos that I am proud of, and putting in the time to get them right.
What is your biggest challenge vlogging?
Surprisingly, it’s not having too cut out too much of my own talking. if you know me well, you know that I can be a bit of a talker, when Im excited about subject (writing scripts has resulted in relatively short videos). Instead, my biggest challenge is writing in a way that is conversational.
Now, in casual typing ‘conversation’, I can do this easily. I can even write stories in a casual tone. However, (and maybe you’ve noticed while reading this), I am really great at academic writing. In college, there was a lot of that, and I smashed it.
As a result, I love to write in a way that, perhaps, may be considered a little too proper to for actually speaking to other people, or at least, a camera. Though my brain does think more like my academic writings, that tends to come off rather stuffy, and people would probably think it was a bit weird, yes? Hahahaha whilst, thusly!
I just had to get that last paragraph out, sorry. Anyway, you get the idea.
So, your branding…
White, grey, and black—I know! Isn’t it grande? Maybe you don’t think that’s the most exciting, but it has my name all over it. In Winter semester 2014, I was in a digital humanities class, and we were going over having a brand for yourself (we were discussing business cards and web sites, etc.). Your brand is what people will associate with you, and it represents you. That’s when I had the idea for the branding i have on awhitenblankvlog. I love dark grey…and regular grey. In that class, we also had to research a few fonts, and how they came about. Naturally, as a screenwriter, I chose courier, because that is what you write in in Final Draft (industry standard screenwriting software). I learned about the font, and, as my professor predicted, felt a little bit more of fondness for it as a result. So, I use Courier Final Draft as my font, and it’s all on a white page.
It’s simple and clean. To me, it says ‘writer’, and ‘Lindsay’, which is exactly I want you to think of when you see my branding!
Hello, Friends?
Yeah, I have that on my banner, and that’s how I start my videos. Despite my YouTube-guruness, before I started posting videos to this channel, I used the YouTube Creator Studio tools, because I really wanted to stick with it this time. One thing that really stood out to me was that I needed to have a specific viewership in mind. That was a bit difficult for me, because, I was just wanting to make similar videos to those that I enjoy myself.
Then it hit me. two of our closest couple friends had moved away, and we wouldn’t be able to speak to each other as much. So, I decided to address my videos to my friends, as if they were actually there. The thought of talking to some of the people I’m closest to helps me feel more comfortable, and natural.
So, yes, friends—really—these are for you. Most notable Schwabs’ and Ames’, but to any of my friends, whether far away, or ho we see more regularly. I also hope to foster a friendly ‘environment’ around my channel for anyone else who starts watching, because, as a shy introvert, I believe there is nothing better than immediately feeling like you belong.
Cool, channel, bro, but should I be doing anything?
Yes! I know I ought to tell people to like, comment, and share my videos—especially because I’m new at this, but I dislike that (I did force myself to add a subscribe button on the end screen). So, if you wanted to help out, watch my videos! Subscribe and like them! Please, please share. Share every one of my videos every day, if you want!
Okay, I’ll be done with that now.
Well, if you read that entire thing, I can’ say that I’m not impressed. You’re amazing. I hope you found any of that information interesting, or informative. I appreciate your support, and I’m exited to keep doing this YouTube thing, finally.
Here’s the links to my channel, and Google+ page:
Dec 15, 2014
How to Life: Some Thoughts
Just a few minutes ago, I read this article, and it really struck a chord with me. I highly recommend reading the article itself, as this is not a review of it, but simply my own ramblings about the few parts that stood out the most to me in relation to all of life, not just Christmas time.
In the article, the author, Arthur C. Brooks, states 3 practices that he suggests can help us lead good lives with a normal amount of stuff, but where we aren’t overly attached to our material possessions. First is to collect experiences, not things. When I was about 14, my dad said that for either Christmas or his birthday, he wanted us to come up with something for each of us to do with him, instead of getting him a gift. At the time, I could see how he might want that--he could buy anything he wanted, an didn't have a list. Sentimental, or something, I guessed. However, now that I look at my life, where I am right now, I can see exactly what the author, and my dad, are talking about--and I actually think it’s one of the greatest points of frustration in my life, at the moment.
I’m newly married, and, as a result, we are trying to get our house in order, so that we don’t need to think, “Oh, we need to get a _____ when we get the chance”. If we get everything essentially in order now, then we wont’ have it to worry about, because, if we’re being honest, though we could just leave things exactly as they are now, that doesn’t create the sort of environment hat we are hoping to have for the next 5 or 10 years. In the article, Brooks mentions how a couple may decide between getting a new couch, or taking a second honeymoon. Pause.
In my mind--whether it’s the way I was brought up, or what I’ve constructed for myself I cannot tell--the obvious choice is the couch. As he points out, the obvious choice is the couch. It will last longer. Also, doesn’t a ‘second honeymoon’ seem excessive; that’s not just a typical vacation. Wrong! So, so very wrong. Now, this is not suggesting that if you have an old couch with all the life taken out of it, and there’s no place to sit now, that you should instead take a lavish vacation. However, he is saying something that I still wouldn’t have thought there was a question in before today. You take the vacation. Yes, the couch may be around for many years, but, when you’re old, you’re not going to look back with fond memories of the couch! Taking the second honeymoon trip will be a means for new experience and memories that you can share and reflect on literally forever--you will always have that with you. Can’t really say the same about a couch...Not bad news to those of us who love to travel to new places, wondrous places!
Here’s where we get into the rest-of-life application. I’m finishing up my 5th and final year of college right now. It’s been a rich experience, and I’ve learned a ton--stuff I wouldn’t have been able to any other way (but that’s another story, I suppose). Despite this, I feel the weight of 5 straight years (no summers off) of college work, and, to be honest, it feels a bit restricting now. On the one hand, that’s probably good, I won’t be sorry to be done when I finally do graduate. However, I almost constantly feel the stress of doing requirements, instead of experiencing things. I feel as if I am (only very partially) full of knowledge and ideas, but am not doing anything with them--how can I when there’s only time to homework, and spend time with Todd (which there would always be more of)? Don't get me wrong here, though, I am aware of how unique an experience my education is. It's just that it is more learning than doing, see? I"m finally ready for more doing.
This article helped me realize that I’m not being stupid--feeling as if I’ve learned but not done much. No, instead, I’m searching for what I ought to be--experiences. I want to do things. Recently, I’ve thought of seeing if there wouldn’t be a way to get back into community theatre, though it appears, out here at least, everything is for children, and children that could be on Broadway, if they wanted to be. I want to take up singing lessons again. I want to teach Zumba. I want to, possibly, create a huge thesis-type blog project (if I can first get the website how I want after 1 class :) ). I want to write stories--screenplays--and to make vlogs and sketch comedy for YouTube with my dream team (Todd and Seth, obviously). I want to be like my mom, and decorate our house. I want to read, and read, and read away, at least some, of my ignorance! So many things! I just have to keep telling myself that it’ll come....it’s not hardly helpful at all, but school’s supposed to end eventually, yes?
Okay, moving onto the second point, steer clear of excessive usefulness. This sort of feels like it goes along with the whole college thing, too, but I’ll drop that. Basically, what Brooks talks about is how we can know all manner of interesting things, or have all sorts of specialty gadgets, but we need to spend our time actually doing things, instead of just focusing on things that will help us do things. to side-step the school example, I’ll give another. Let’s say I want to make this giant blog project thing. I first need to make a website (because want to--not because Blogger wont’ suffice). However, if I decide I need way more knowledge than I have, and more than I can understand from Googling, and take years more or classes first, then I’m sort of wasting my time. yes, I am learning, and that’s valuable, but all I’m doing is learning, and never creating anything. He points out that it’s been shown that people are happier when they make things just because they want to, rather than because they are obligated to.
Interestingly, this is a topic that Todd and I talk about on a fairly regular basis. He and I are very similar in that we both place a good amount of value on doing personal projects--singing, making videos, making board or computer games. Unfortunately, it has become very clear that almost none of our peers feel the same way. I think I ought to clarify two things here. First, of most our friends are at least somewhat creative types who like to play games, and come up with ideas for video or story, etc. Second, They have come up with ideas they themselves have said they would be interested in bringing to life. The sad part is that when we get excited, and want to get on board, or when they express great interest (talking about it, and how to go about it for hours) in one of our ideas, that’s as far as it gets.
Todd is a computer science nerd with a passion for video games (not in the traditional sense, though; he rarely agrees with the majority of ‘gamers’). Asa result, he’d really like to get a team of friends together to make something sort of Indie, and really fun and new. However, he has actually gone through all of his friends--they either do not have the skills (i.e. Me), or, when push comes to shove, they place the value of an individual project below that of doing just their day job and watching Netflix. That sounds cold, and I’m not really trying to be. Todd and I love Netflix a lot. Furthermore, at the end of the day, or week, Todd is as tired as anyone else, and just wants a break. Regardless, he’d still like something of his own (created with friends) to think about, and to get really excited over. This article talks about that, and we’ve noticed it ourselves. Doing things just because you think they’d be fun, is incredibly valuable (and playing board games does not fall under this). What we’re talking about here are things where you must learn, and work at something. How do some many young people place the value of an unpaid, yet exciting, personal project below that of not doing much of anything in spare time?
Finally, and I suggest reading the article for the full story/explanation of this last one, prioritize Truth over worldly things. As Brooks puts it, get to the center of the wheel. For me, this would be of religious nature--keeping Christ at the center. However, this can also include (for me) any part of spirituality. Look for those things that you know are true and good, unmoving, and unswayed by time and popular political opinion. If you keep these things as your center, then you will always have a stable point with which to look at everything else against. Without such, there is not much to hold onto. I think one of the best ways to find this for yourself is to start pondering yourself, who you are, where you come from, and where you want to go, what you want to be like. Decide now what’s most important to you, instead of waiting for ultimatums, or for your life to be spiraling around, because you did not have anything in the center of it all to hold it down.
Alright. That was way longer than I anticipated. Read the article; it’s wonderful. Those are my two cents, or several dollars worth, I suppose.
In the article, the author, Arthur C. Brooks, states 3 practices that he suggests can help us lead good lives with a normal amount of stuff, but where we aren’t overly attached to our material possessions. First is to collect experiences, not things. When I was about 14, my dad said that for either Christmas or his birthday, he wanted us to come up with something for each of us to do with him, instead of getting him a gift. At the time, I could see how he might want that--he could buy anything he wanted, an didn't have a list. Sentimental, or something, I guessed. However, now that I look at my life, where I am right now, I can see exactly what the author, and my dad, are talking about--and I actually think it’s one of the greatest points of frustration in my life, at the moment.
I’m newly married, and, as a result, we are trying to get our house in order, so that we don’t need to think, “Oh, we need to get a _____ when we get the chance”. If we get everything essentially in order now, then we wont’ have it to worry about, because, if we’re being honest, though we could just leave things exactly as they are now, that doesn’t create the sort of environment hat we are hoping to have for the next 5 or 10 years. In the article, Brooks mentions how a couple may decide between getting a new couch, or taking a second honeymoon. Pause.
In my mind--whether it’s the way I was brought up, or what I’ve constructed for myself I cannot tell--the obvious choice is the couch. As he points out, the obvious choice is the couch. It will last longer. Also, doesn’t a ‘second honeymoon’ seem excessive; that’s not just a typical vacation. Wrong! So, so very wrong. Now, this is not suggesting that if you have an old couch with all the life taken out of it, and there’s no place to sit now, that you should instead take a lavish vacation. However, he is saying something that I still wouldn’t have thought there was a question in before today. You take the vacation. Yes, the couch may be around for many years, but, when you’re old, you’re not going to look back with fond memories of the couch! Taking the second honeymoon trip will be a means for new experience and memories that you can share and reflect on literally forever--you will always have that with you. Can’t really say the same about a couch...Not bad news to those of us who love to travel to new places, wondrous places!
Here’s where we get into the rest-of-life application. I’m finishing up my 5th and final year of college right now. It’s been a rich experience, and I’ve learned a ton--stuff I wouldn’t have been able to any other way (but that’s another story, I suppose). Despite this, I feel the weight of 5 straight years (no summers off) of college work, and, to be honest, it feels a bit restricting now. On the one hand, that’s probably good, I won’t be sorry to be done when I finally do graduate. However, I almost constantly feel the stress of doing requirements, instead of experiencing things. I feel as if I am (only very partially) full of knowledge and ideas, but am not doing anything with them--how can I when there’s only time to homework, and spend time with Todd (which there would always be more of)? Don't get me wrong here, though, I am aware of how unique an experience my education is. It's just that it is more learning than doing, see? I"m finally ready for more doing.
This article helped me realize that I’m not being stupid--feeling as if I’ve learned but not done much. No, instead, I’m searching for what I ought to be--experiences. I want to do things. Recently, I’ve thought of seeing if there wouldn’t be a way to get back into community theatre, though it appears, out here at least, everything is for children, and children that could be on Broadway, if they wanted to be. I want to take up singing lessons again. I want to teach Zumba. I want to, possibly, create a huge thesis-type blog project (if I can first get the website how I want after 1 class :) ). I want to write stories--screenplays--and to make vlogs and sketch comedy for YouTube with my dream team (Todd and Seth, obviously). I want to be like my mom, and decorate our house. I want to read, and read, and read away, at least some, of my ignorance! So many things! I just have to keep telling myself that it’ll come....it’s not hardly helpful at all, but school’s supposed to end eventually, yes?
Okay, moving onto the second point, steer clear of excessive usefulness. This sort of feels like it goes along with the whole college thing, too, but I’ll drop that. Basically, what Brooks talks about is how we can know all manner of interesting things, or have all sorts of specialty gadgets, but we need to spend our time actually doing things, instead of just focusing on things that will help us do things. to side-step the school example, I’ll give another. Let’s say I want to make this giant blog project thing. I first need to make a website (because want to--not because Blogger wont’ suffice). However, if I decide I need way more knowledge than I have, and more than I can understand from Googling, and take years more or classes first, then I’m sort of wasting my time. yes, I am learning, and that’s valuable, but all I’m doing is learning, and never creating anything. He points out that it’s been shown that people are happier when they make things just because they want to, rather than because they are obligated to.
Interestingly, this is a topic that Todd and I talk about on a fairly regular basis. He and I are very similar in that we both place a good amount of value on doing personal projects--singing, making videos, making board or computer games. Unfortunately, it has become very clear that almost none of our peers feel the same way. I think I ought to clarify two things here. First, of most our friends are at least somewhat creative types who like to play games, and come up with ideas for video or story, etc. Second, They have come up with ideas they themselves have said they would be interested in bringing to life. The sad part is that when we get excited, and want to get on board, or when they express great interest (talking about it, and how to go about it for hours) in one of our ideas, that’s as far as it gets.
Todd is a computer science nerd with a passion for video games (not in the traditional sense, though; he rarely agrees with the majority of ‘gamers’). Asa result, he’d really like to get a team of friends together to make something sort of Indie, and really fun and new. However, he has actually gone through all of his friends--they either do not have the skills (i.e. Me), or, when push comes to shove, they place the value of an individual project below that of doing just their day job and watching Netflix. That sounds cold, and I’m not really trying to be. Todd and I love Netflix a lot. Furthermore, at the end of the day, or week, Todd is as tired as anyone else, and just wants a break. Regardless, he’d still like something of his own (created with friends) to think about, and to get really excited over. This article talks about that, and we’ve noticed it ourselves. Doing things just because you think they’d be fun, is incredibly valuable (and playing board games does not fall under this). What we’re talking about here are things where you must learn, and work at something. How do some many young people place the value of an unpaid, yet exciting, personal project below that of not doing much of anything in spare time?
Finally, and I suggest reading the article for the full story/explanation of this last one, prioritize Truth over worldly things. As Brooks puts it, get to the center of the wheel. For me, this would be of religious nature--keeping Christ at the center. However, this can also include (for me) any part of spirituality. Look for those things that you know are true and good, unmoving, and unswayed by time and popular political opinion. If you keep these things as your center, then you will always have a stable point with which to look at everything else against. Without such, there is not much to hold onto. I think one of the best ways to find this for yourself is to start pondering yourself, who you are, where you come from, and where you want to go, what you want to be like. Decide now what’s most important to you, instead of waiting for ultimatums, or for your life to be spiraling around, because you did not have anything in the center of it all to hold it down.
Alright. That was way longer than I anticipated. Read the article; it’s wonderful. Those are my two cents, or several dollars worth, I suppose.
Dec 9, 2014
Playing Barbies
I had a strange realization today. When I was little, my favourite toys were Barbies dolls. I loved to decide the type of person my barbie was, or to have some end goal with little goals along the way--a story progression. As I got older, I played less, but the stories were generally more complex, more 'scripted' (anyone who played with me may tell you). As I hit my tween years, I played less often, but still thought a lot about stories I could do, and would take out the barbies to have them play out. I think I was 13 when I really stopped playing. When I tried, I often made it so elaborate, that, by the time I got all the 'sets' in place, I was over it. By 14, I was done with it--I was ready for slightly more grown up things, like video games--the Sims to be exact.
That's right, folks! A game where you choose how you want your person to be, then create their story as you go. I literally transitioned seamlessly from barbies to digital barbies.....and have never stopped.
As I've been writing up this little story, I've been thinking about why that is, what it can mean, and if there's a productive way to use this realization. I think there are some interesting things to be said, and some potentially useful things to do with it.
First, am am driven by plot, even in my own life. I want to decide where to go, so I can set up goals/things that need to be done, and get to that end point (not the end of my life...just reaching the goal). Not super useful, but interesting.
Second--wow. Here I am, shy and introverted, thinking that I don't like people. In all fairness, I love those I love. I keep them very close, and think of them often, and want to hang out with them, and help them in any way they could use. However, everyone else...nope. How is this productive or useful? Well, if my play is any indicator, I love to love people, and I want to know about them. It just has to happen over a series of events, etc.
Third--and I think I shall stop my list here--I notice people I start to care for. I revel in their individuality. How neat can people be? I love to know what sets them apart, and understand what drives them.
Conclusion? If I can have this much passion about people, and such a strong, driving interest in telling the stories of people--not just the stories--then I may have a better idea of how to approach my writing, as well as what works best for me. I've always thought that I needed to come up with the stories, because, what do I know of people? Well, it turns out, that is actually what I gravitate towards--interesting characters.
I'm filled with happiness (sounds lame, but it's true) when I see a film where I can feel the love the screenwriters have for their characters, and the care with which they told their story. Plot is vital...but I'm alright with just seeing the people. In the last year, there have been several films that were more character-centric that I really enjoyed, or there were characters where I walked out say, "I would literally watch a film of just them being them".
This gives me some confidence--I've always wondered how to bring characters to life. I've written a couple stories where I love the characters, but can I do it more constantly?I hope so. I think so. They're like everyone else--get to know them, and you can see what makes them so wonderful and lovely. It's just like playing barbies.
That's right, folks! A game where you choose how you want your person to be, then create their story as you go. I literally transitioned seamlessly from barbies to digital barbies.....and have never stopped.
As I've been writing up this little story, I've been thinking about why that is, what it can mean, and if there's a productive way to use this realization. I think there are some interesting things to be said, and some potentially useful things to do with it.
First, am am driven by plot, even in my own life. I want to decide where to go, so I can set up goals/things that need to be done, and get to that end point (not the end of my life...just reaching the goal). Not super useful, but interesting.
Second--wow. Here I am, shy and introverted, thinking that I don't like people. In all fairness, I love those I love. I keep them very close, and think of them often, and want to hang out with them, and help them in any way they could use. However, everyone else...nope. How is this productive or useful? Well, if my play is any indicator, I love to love people, and I want to know about them. It just has to happen over a series of events, etc.
Third--and I think I shall stop my list here--I notice people I start to care for. I revel in their individuality. How neat can people be? I love to know what sets them apart, and understand what drives them.
Conclusion? If I can have this much passion about people, and such a strong, driving interest in telling the stories of people--not just the stories--then I may have a better idea of how to approach my writing, as well as what works best for me. I've always thought that I needed to come up with the stories, because, what do I know of people? Well, it turns out, that is actually what I gravitate towards--interesting characters.
I'm filled with happiness (sounds lame, but it's true) when I see a film where I can feel the love the screenwriters have for their characters, and the care with which they told their story. Plot is vital...but I'm alright with just seeing the people. In the last year, there have been several films that were more character-centric that I really enjoyed, or there were characters where I walked out say, "I would literally watch a film of just them being them".
This gives me some confidence--I've always wondered how to bring characters to life. I've written a couple stories where I love the characters, but can I do it more constantly?
On Spirituality
I think there are three kinds (who knows, maybe more) of spirituality. The first is obvious--practicing your religion, and growing closer to God. Personally, I’ve not been doing super hot at this one recently. Consistent scripture study, and personal prayer, seem like they’ll never be where they were when I was 17 (what I consider my ‘peak’), and I’m enjoying connecting, laughing, and spending time with my husband to want to stop what we’re doing, much of the time. It’s something to work on, to be sure.
The second is the spirituality of self, or what I refer to as being/feeling “centered”. This was something I strove for with such intensity as a 17 year old, that I didn’t want to be too bubbly/excitable (and I, naturally, am quite excitable and passionate), or be bothered by anyone other than my family, on occasion. Books and thoughts, and writing. That’s not necessary for me now, but I think being centered is a huge thing--one we really ought to focus on more. See, something we sometimes talk about in Gospel settings is that in losing yourself, you find yourself. I think that’s true. When you aren’t just focused on you, and are, instead, looking to serve others (whether it’s as simple as tidying up and getting things sorted before your spouse, or putting together Christmas boxes for Operation Christmas Child, or even going out of your way to help a friend), you practice being a more selfless, more caring, empathetic version of yourself. You find the better part of you. However, in losing yourself to other things, or maybe too much of giving to others and never getting anything back to replenish you, you may lose touch with yourself.
That happened to me upon going to college. Only recently, being settled with someone I love, have I been gaining back my passion for my goals, and my creative spirit. However, it has only been this semester, through taking Dean’s 477 Autobiographical class, that I have come back into myself. I’m more centered. This does not entail being self-centered and narcissistic, but, rather, always aware of your connections--to others, to your own life and where you’re headed, to the world. That sounds like a lot to balance, but I find it allows one to really recognize themselves, and see themselves clearer. It’s a lot to think about, but that only creates more room for ideas, stories, and ways to improve yourself.
The third, and final kind of spirituality I noticed in just recently; I’ve been growing more sensitive to it, and now I can grasp it. The third kind of spirituality is of truth and sincerity. It’s a huge thing! This includes filmmakers and writers, creating characters who are fashioned into people that we love, and care for. It includes the natural goodness of things--objects, nature, simple, tiny, yet profoundly important vignettes in life. It includes people’s earnestness (with kindness) in their opinions or choices, based off of them thinking things through and coming to what they consider to be the most correct conclusions. This third spirituality includes the other two spiritualities as well--all things that are good, and wholesome, that are the created from that most honest place we all have in our hearts that causes us to want to strive for personal perfection.
Recently, the first has been a little harder to balance. The second, I am only now coming back into, and having to try and find a place for it in myself and my life, now that I’m so a few years older, and in in an entirely different place. The third is the one I think I need to see more of now that I’ve recognized it. It’s the one that’s everywhere. You don’t have to do much to notice it, but if you really let it in, it will aide you in getting the others sorted rightly, too.
The second is the spirituality of self, or what I refer to as being/feeling “centered”. This was something I strove for with such intensity as a 17 year old, that I didn’t want to be too bubbly/excitable (and I, naturally, am quite excitable and passionate), or be bothered by anyone other than my family, on occasion. Books and thoughts, and writing. That’s not necessary for me now, but I think being centered is a huge thing--one we really ought to focus on more. See, something we sometimes talk about in Gospel settings is that in losing yourself, you find yourself. I think that’s true. When you aren’t just focused on you, and are, instead, looking to serve others (whether it’s as simple as tidying up and getting things sorted before your spouse, or putting together Christmas boxes for Operation Christmas Child, or even going out of your way to help a friend), you practice being a more selfless, more caring, empathetic version of yourself. You find the better part of you. However, in losing yourself to other things, or maybe too much of giving to others and never getting anything back to replenish you, you may lose touch with yourself.
That happened to me upon going to college. Only recently, being settled with someone I love, have I been gaining back my passion for my goals, and my creative spirit. However, it has only been this semester, through taking Dean’s 477 Autobiographical class, that I have come back into myself. I’m more centered. This does not entail being self-centered and narcissistic, but, rather, always aware of your connections--to others, to your own life and where you’re headed, to the world. That sounds like a lot to balance, but I find it allows one to really recognize themselves, and see themselves clearer. It’s a lot to think about, but that only creates more room for ideas, stories, and ways to improve yourself.
The third, and final kind of spirituality I noticed in just recently; I’ve been growing more sensitive to it, and now I can grasp it. The third kind of spirituality is of truth and sincerity. It’s a huge thing! This includes filmmakers and writers, creating characters who are fashioned into people that we love, and care for. It includes the natural goodness of things--objects, nature, simple, tiny, yet profoundly important vignettes in life. It includes people’s earnestness (with kindness) in their opinions or choices, based off of them thinking things through and coming to what they consider to be the most correct conclusions. This third spirituality includes the other two spiritualities as well--all things that are good, and wholesome, that are the created from that most honest place we all have in our hearts that causes us to want to strive for personal perfection.
Recently, the first has been a little harder to balance. The second, I am only now coming back into, and having to try and find a place for it in myself and my life, now that I’m so a few years older, and in in an entirely different place. The third is the one I think I need to see more of now that I’ve recognized it. It’s the one that’s everywhere. You don’t have to do much to notice it, but if you really let it in, it will aide you in getting the others sorted rightly, too.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)